Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
