i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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