So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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