I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
sarcasm needs its own font
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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