Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
