the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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