Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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