Little spoons don't ask big questions
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
