I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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