how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
