Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
