Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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