Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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