i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
