Pants 0. Shit 1.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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