Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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