some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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