went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
