Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
