I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
