I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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