could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
