Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
