Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
