There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
MIDGETS
????
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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