Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
