90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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