she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
