Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
