I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
