I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
