i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
