Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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