My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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