I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
