So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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