cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
