a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
