I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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