Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
