apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
