she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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