Screwed.edu
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
