Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
