I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
