I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
