i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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