Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
