I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
