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Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
why is half of my head shaved?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
