I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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