Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
