; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
