my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
A+ Viking dick
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
