My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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