I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
