I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
